Picture this: You’re getting ready for another social event, and that familiar knot forms in your stomach. Your shoulders tense up. Maybe you even feel a headache coming on. But instead of listening to these signals, you tell yourself to stop being antisocial and push through anyway.
I used to live this way constantly. I would force myself to attend big parties, baby showers, movie nights, and social gatherings, all while my body screamed “no” from the moment I received the invitation. Every single time, I’d leave these events feeling awful and exhausted. Sometimes, if I really pushed it, I’d end up with a full-blown migraine that would knock me out for the rest of the day.
But here’s the kicker: I thought this was normal. I thought everyone felt this way, and I was just being weak or antisocial for not enjoying these experiences.
The Pattern That Kept Me Stuck
For years, I operated from a place of constant self-doubt. Whenever my body sent me clear signals of discomfort or resistance, I would immediately override them with logic and social expectations. My internal dialogue sounded something like this:
“I need to be more social.” “Everyone else is fine being here, so why shouldn’t I be?” “Normal people enjoy parties.” “I should push through this feeling.”
I had convinced myself that my discomfort was a character flaw rather than valuable information from my nervous system. I was essentially gaslighting my own body, dismissing its wisdom as weakness or pickiness.
The cost was enormous, though I didn’t realize it at the time. The tiredness wasn’t just normal post-social exhaustion. The headaches weren’t just coincidence. My body was in a constant state of stress from being forced into situations that felt fundamentally wrong for my nervous system.
The Shift That Changed Everything
My awakening didn’t happen overnight. It started when I made a simple decision: I just wanted to feel at peace. I began spending more time alone with myself, and something remarkable happened. I felt fantastic.
The contrast was impossible to ignore. When I honored my natural rhythms and spent time in environments that felt good to me, I felt energized, present, and genuinely happy. But the moment I convinced myself to go somewhere I wasn’t excited about, that familiar pattern of exhaustion and physical symptoms would return.
This contrast became my teacher. I started to understand that my body wasn’t broken or antisocial. It was incredibly intelligent, sending me clear signals about what supported my well-being and what drained it.
Learning to Trust My Body’s Wisdom
Once I started paying attention, I began to see the difference between growth discomfort and genuine harm signals. Growth discomfort feels challenging but energizing, like speaking up for yourself or trying something new that excites you. Harm signals feel heavy, draining, and often come with physical symptoms like headaches, tension, or that gut feeling that something is “off.”
I learned to honor these signals in practical ways. Recently, one of my best friends had both a gender reveal and a baby shower. The old me would have felt obligated to attend both events, regardless of how I felt. Instead, I decided to go to only one. When I did attend the baby shower, I gave myself permission to leave early when I started feeling overwhelmed.
The beautiful revelation? People who genuinely love and care for me weren’t mad or annoyed. They understood that I was looking out for what was best for me. True friends want you to honor your needs, not sacrifice your well-being for their comfort.
What I’ve Learned About Nervous System Intelligence
Your nervous system is constantly scanning your environment for safety and compatibility. When something feels “off,” that’s not paranoia or antisocial behavior. That’s your internal guidance system working exactly as it should.
I’ve learned to create discernment between what I need to do and what I want to do. There are still things I need to handle that might not feel exciting, but I can now distinguish between genuine responsibilities and social obligations that don’t serve me.
Some social activities I can still enjoy, just in smaller doses. The key is approaching them from a place of choice rather than obligation, and always maintaining permission to leave when my body says it’s time.
The Social Media Wake-Up Call
This same pattern showed up in another unexpected area: social media. Like most people, I assumed I needed to be on various platforms because “everyone else” was using them. But I started noticing something strange.
Some days I had more energy and could sleep better than others, and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it hit me: the days I stayed off social media entirely were the days I felt the best.
The overstimulation from endless scrolling showed up as brain fog, tiredness, and feeling almost lazy. But here’s what really opened my eyes: I realized I was eating significantly more throughout the day as a way to cope with the discomfort of being overstimulated. This connection became crystal clear when I started experimenting with intermittent fasting for health and weight management. The more social media or YouTube I watched, the hungrier I felt and the harder fasting became for me.
My nervous system was trying to regulate the overwhelm through food, but I had been completely unaware of this pattern.
Now, I only use YouTube for instructional purposes during the week, giving myself just a few hours on weekends for entertainment videos. Even then, I maintain clear boundaries because I know what that overstimulation costs me.
Permission to Trust Your “No”
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in my story, I want to give you permission to trust your own “no.” Your discomfort in certain situations isn’t a bug in your system that needs to be fixed. It’s a feature that’s trying to protect and guide you.
You don’t need to justify why certain environments don’t feel good to you. You don’t need to force yourself to enjoy things that drain your energy. You don’t need to override your body’s wisdom to please others or fit into social expectations.
Your nervous system has been with you your entire life. It knows you better than anyone else’s opinion about what you “should” enjoy or tolerate.
I’m Still Learning (And That’s Okay)
I want to be clear: I’m not perfect at this, and I’m still working on myself. I still have slip-ups with YouTube where I’ll watch videos until my head feels heavy and that familiar overstimulation sets in. The difference now is that I can recognize what’s happening in real time, which means I can act quicker to course-correct.
This journey isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about building awareness and self-compassion as you learn to trust your body’s intelligence.
Life on the Other Side
Since I stopped fighting my own operating system, my life has become significantly more peaceful. I feel healthier, less stressed, and less anxious overall. I’m more present in my daily life and no longer feel like I’m having out-of-body experiences just to get through social obligations.
This doesn’t mean I’ve become a hermit or stopped caring about relationships. Instead, I show up more authentically in the spaces and with the people that truly align with who I am. The relationships that matter have only grown stronger because I’m no longer performing a version of myself that doesn’t actually exist.
When you stop gaslighting your nervous system and start treating it as the sophisticated guidance system it is, you discover something beautiful: you already know what’s good for you. You’ve always known. You just needed permission to trust yourself.
Your body is not the enemy. Your discomfort is not weakness. Your need for certain environments and boundaries is not antisocial. It’s simply the way you’re designed to thrive in this world.
And that’s not just okay. It’s perfect.
Leave a Reply